Life As I Knew It
by OCDdegrassi
Summary: When Pansy receives a devastating diagnosis, her life is forever changed. One-Shot.


**Title:** Life As I Knew It  
**Author:** OCDegrassi (Holly)  
**Pairings:** None  
**Rating:** M  
**Warnings:** Language, Sexual Situations, HIV  
**Note: **I feel like there's not enough stories out there about HIV: AIDS, which is a shame, because it is a very real problem in the world. I do not have HIV, so I apologize to anyone who does if this is not realistic. I'm also not trying to insinuate that you have to be a slut to get an STD, so please do not take this offensively. This character is mostly based off myself, except for the actual diagnosis, so I'm certainly not trying to be offensive.

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**Pansy's POV**

I'm not a slut; I just like to have fun. Why is it that guys can fuck as many girls as they want and be considered a 'pimp' but if a girl has sex with more than two guys, she's considered a whore? It's sexist and I refuse to buy into it. I like having sex, so why shouldn't I be able to do it whenever I feel like it? It's not like its some romantic, intimate thing for me. It's just something that people do. I don't have to love the guy or even know him. Sex doesn't mean anything to guys, so why should it mean anything to me besides a good time? I learned that after my first time. He never talked to me again. But so what? I learned to stop equating sex with love, and to just enjoy it for what it is: a physical, primal instinct.

Sure, I probably should have used protection more often, but I just don't like it. Taking the time to stop and wait for the guy to put a condom on is such a mood-killer. It's not like I'm going to get anything anyway. Ok, so sometimes I start to get worried that I have something, but I just push that thought to the back of my mind. I don't think I wanna know. I've been avoiding getting tested because I'm scared. I hate that. I'm Pansy Parkinson. I'm not supposed to be afraid of anything, yet here I am, scared of a little test. I don't have anything; I can't have anything. I'm scared I do though. I've been so tired all the time lately, and I have recurring fever and nausea that I can't seem to get rid of. It's probably nothing…but what if it's something?

I could handle any STD except HIV: AIDS. Most of them have cures now, and herpes or warts aren't that big of a deal. But HIV is scary. Even in the wizarding world, there is no cure for it. People die from it. That would seriously suck. As much as I want to avoid getting tested forever, I know I can't. I might as well get it over with. I don't want to know, yet I do. The uncertainty is driving me crazy. Madame Pomfrey sticks this cold metal clamp-like thing inside me, and I wonder why we haven't figured out a better way to do this. It's incredibly uncomfortable. I've had dicks twice this size shoved inside me, yet none of them have hurt as bad as this thing. It's strange.

She's scraping the inside of me and I can't wait for it to be over. When it finally is, all that's left to do is wait. Fortunately, I don't have to wait long. The results are done within minutes. She walks over to me with a serious expression on her face, and I brace myself for her words. But nothing could prepare me for what she said next. "The HIV test came back positive," she placed a hand on my shoulder sympathetically but I can't feel it. She continues talking but I can't hear it. I'm frozen. I can hear my heart beating loudly in my ears and all I can think is "I'm going to die." I'm not ready to die. I'm so scared. For the first time in years, I want my mommy. I want her to hold me and make me all better.

I feel like I'm going to puke. This all feels so surreal. How could this be happening? I try to focus on the words that are coming out of Madame Pomfrey's mouth but I can't understand them. I feel like time has stopped and the world stopped spinning. This is all my fault. Why couldn't I just use condoms? Why was I so stupid? I am going to die and it's all my fault. I don't care that there are cocktails that I can take now to delay the progression of AIDS and help treat HIV. That doesn't make me feel better in the least. It's not a cure. I feel as hopeless as if Madame Pomfrey told me I had a day to live. Life as I knew it is over. My life will never be the same again, and neither will I.

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**A/N:** So what did you think? I know there are cocktails now, so HIV is no longer a death sentence, but it's still incredibly scary, and I wanted to write what I think would go through her mind. Please Review!


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